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Why do we do it? Surely it is inviting disappointment. Do you remember the excited anticipation of birthdays? Did they come up to scratch? Mine never did. I remember wishing for a fairy cycle. What happened? My brother got a bike I got a dolls pram.

Goose Fair was one of the highlights of the year - the lights, the music, the rides. I was ten when I spent goose fair in hospital. Dad put some brandy snap in my locker and promised that he would win a present from the fair. He did - one for me and one for my brother. My brother got a window breaker top - I got a shuttlecock and battledore. And someone nicked the brandy snap.

A big disappointment was my mother's third child. From the moment I knew of the impending increase in our family I prayed with all my might for a sister. I promised Him I would be good forever if I had a sister. But He wasn't listening and when the baby came it was another brother.

I fell in love age fifteen and my boyfriend and I were great friends until suddenly he dropped me. A friend told me his father had died and as he had only a year to go his mother decided to keep him at school and remove his younger brother. I was upset but felt confident he would return. It was not until he was serving overseas in the army that we renewed our friendship.

He sent me a silver bracelet and although there was no word of love I was full of hope and excitement when he was due to return. I got a young colleague to queue for a ticket to a football match. I really looked forward to giving it to him. He said he would go with me but he wasn't really keen on football.

For my twenty-first birthday he bought me a locket - I had anticipated a ring.

Sexual intercourse was another let down. All my reading lead me to believe it would be an earth shattering experience. It was a complete let down. Oh well giving birth would be different. That must be one of the greatest moments in a woman's life.

Needless to say I planned marriage carefully. I had no nervous doubts on my wedding day. Why would I? I had chosen my husband with great care. I anticipated no problems. The honeymoon was a wash out and soon afterwards money became a problem. In spite of this I looked forward to the birth of our first baby even though it would be earlier than anticipated.

So what of this great moment? Pain, blood, sweat and tears and the cry of never again.

I am glad I have nothing more to look forward to.

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